How To Get Men To Come After You

When your marriage ends, and you're a woman in your forties, there's a potential for desperation. I was sure I had figured out the relationship part of life: found the man I would grow old with. Done. But since that was not the storyline for me, I have to date again if I want to couple again. And I do want to fall in love again, and I know I will. I'm just going about it differently this time.

In my 20's and my 30's I was really looking for love. I joke about it in my show MILF Life Crisis: I'd go into bars with my girlfriends. Looking for someone to marry, before it's too late. Looking for someone to have kids with, before I got too old. I'd see him. Across the bar. The swarthy non-committal type. With commitment issues. My favourite.

And then in my show, I point out that it's different now. I don't have to hurry up and find someone to marry. I've been married. I don't have to hurry up and have my kids. I have my kids... But then, in the show, I fall in the age old trap of changing your life plans for a new boyfriend. But I am stopped by Kendra, one of the characters in my show (I play all the characters- and Kendra is one of everyone's favourite).

Sexy, newly divorced Kendra says: “Anne Marie! You’re doing it wrong! You're going after them! They should be coming after you! Be like the sun! Let the planets revolve around you! And by the planets- I mean the men!” 

This is truly my dating method now. I can go to an event, and in my kick ass, single mom, actress with career goals still to achieve kind of power, I am attractive. Now. But you should have seen me, the first year out of my marriage- it was not that way. I was desperate. I was scared. I was worried about my age, my looks, my kids, my money, my age. Then I wrote my show MILF Life Crisis. And in my making fun of what I always do- look for love outside of myself- I found my own wisdom. There really is a power when you get older. Why do I want to be married forever if we no longer fit? Why do I think a marriage is necessary? Why should a man define me? If you think my comedy shows are my own therapy, you'd be right.

And my kooky character Kendra has a good point. How to get men- or anything- to come after you is by being your own sun. That’s kinda how I got my comedy special. I was polishing a show for when I moved to LA. It was sparkling! It was awesome! I worked hard on the script. I loved the story I was telling. I self-produced the show at The Tim Sims Playhouse at Second City and then The Comedy Network saw the tape and they came after me. Know that you are rock solid. Then watch them come to you.  XOXO AMS

My Golden Globe Speech and Prayer for Laughter

You know when you're about to fall asleep, you're supposed to think good thoughts? So lately for me, I've been falling asleep thinking about my Golden Globe speech. You know, for the Golden Globe Award I will win in the future, for my TV show that I will star in, in the future. My TV show is going to be so funny. Really good Lucille Ball funny.

As I fall asleep, I picture myself, on stage, holding that award, in my fuchsia gown- or maybe red, we'll have to decide closer to the date. I appropriately thank the Hollywood Foreign Press, and acknowledge my fellow nominees, and thank everyone who got me to where I am today. (The future today). Then I say how grateful I am to make people laugh for a living. And then in closing I offer a prayer. I pray that every day, each person gets to laugh, really laugh. Joyful, happy, wonderful laughter. 

But because this is a mind movie, I can't stop there. I mean: what a great speech. End on a prayer for the whole world to laugh. Perfect. But in your mind, you might come up against some things that need ironing out. I want the prayer to be specific. I pray that the world laughs in the best way possible. 

So then I ask the entertainment world to make sure, in our blessed jobs to make funny, that we create comedy that is not demeaning to women. I ask if we could all look at our TV shows and make sure we are creating good comedy, feminist comedy. Not sexist. Not disempowering. Not objectifying. And I see some of the creators of animated shows meant for adults but are watched on Netflix by our 12 year sons squirm. And I get hearty round of applause from the industry people who know the type of comedy we send out into the world makes a difference. In how we treat each other, in how we treat women, in how we teach our children. And I return to my seat, beside my Mom, or my really handsome still imaginary next husband. We'll have to decide closer to the date.

Gosh, you'd think I was a single mom actress raising a couple of kids watching too much Netflix or something. Here's to falling asleep to good thoughts. And here's to everyone on this planet really having minimum one good, Lucille Ball type laughter every day of their life.

My Kids Come Home For Lunch

My kids come home for lunch. Who gets that? Well, me I guess. I used to do that when I was a kid, and I loved it. Back home to see mommy, get some yummy grilled cheese sandwiches, some carrots, and a hug and a kiss, and back to school. Oh, those were the days.

Now, as a single mom with shared custody of my two wonderful sons, I am able, for now anyway, to have them come home for lunch. My sons are 10 and 12, and they went through a lot of heart break when their dad and I split up. The marriage ended, then didn't, then ended officially three years ago. That's tough stuff. But now it's better than ever. I know that sounds like a cliche, but really, it's really really good.

Oh I cried for two year for sure. And so did my kids. But now we are definitely on the other side- climbing up and out of the pit of despair, onto the plateau of being friends with your ex, and heading towards the mountain of this is the best thing that could have happened.

I saw a fellow parent at the drug store the other day, and she was all like "Oh, how's life? I bet it's tough." And I wanted to pour cold water over her head and say "Wake up. Divorce is not a bad thing." I then stood there and listed off the things that are so good now. I get to be myself. There isn't tension in the house. The kids get to know their real mom, and not some compromised version of what a mother is supposed to be like. When the kids are with their dad, I get my career focused work done, and when the kids are with me, it's that much more quality time.
I get to kiss their heads, and give them lots of hugs, when they come home for lunch. Who gets that?

I Made a Mistake When I Got Married

About my name. I made a mistake. I half took my husband's last name. I waffled after we were married about changing Anne Marie Scheffler to Anne Marie Libbey so now the phone bill is in Anne Marie Libbey and people who wanted to hire me for jobs couldn't find me in the phone directory. Well, older people. It's a different search engine world now.
But really, I screwed up about half-taking my husband's last name. You really shoot yourself in the foot when you half do anything. I love and don't love my last name Scheffler. I love it because it is my Dad's name, my family name, a strong name. I don't love it because it is hard to spell, and not as common or superstar like as say "Hudson". And mostly because I don't know myself. Or spent so long finding myself outside of who I am to a man. When I finally snagged a husband, I thought "there Dad, I am not going to do what you tell me to do anymore! I'm dropping your name! I'm taking his!" And then we walked into the reception hall, the NHL theme playing, as "Dave and Anne Marie Libbey". Also, I am a second wife, and Dave's first wife did not take his last name, so I wanted to be the "first Mrs. Dave Libbey."
But then I half took it. I forgot that I had actually made something of myself as Anne Marie Scheffler, and as hard to spell as it is, I was over a decade into an entertainment career and my name held value. And then when I was around my hubby and babies, I felt ashamed that I was promoting the Anne Marie Scheffler brand because it seemed to be contrary to wanting to be Mrs. Libbey. And then I became divided. Only being Anne Marie Scheffler out in the entertainment world. And playing Anne Marie Libbey at home and in the neighbourhood.
But now I see it's a mistake. Because I have to be me at home too. That Anne Marie Scheffler was the woman Dave married. The one at home hiding her career plans, goals and- the big one- finances- is a half person. Who seems duplicitous. And half-sure. And brings about half-success.
So the big conclusion today is I am me. Anne Marie Scheffler. I will be my authentic self at home and at work. And see how that goes.

Suddenly Mommy video: Janet - The Soccer Mom

Get some mommy advice from Janet, the kind of competitive mother who believes that there is nothing more important than raising winners!

Don't miss "Suddenly Mommy" - the hilarious mother of a comedy by Anne Marie Scheffler
Every woman who’s had a baby recognizes the moment when your name changes from "Hey, Sexy" to suddenly "Mommy"! Anne Marie Scheffler, the star of Second City and her own special on The Comedy Network, presents this hilarious and relatable one-woman show on motherhood fresh from Second City Hollywood and Theatre Row in New York City.
http://suddenlymommy.com/watch-webisodes?video=19

I'm Performing at Comedy Nite with Jo-Anna Downey at Spirits August 1st

August 1st, 9pm
Spirits Bar and Grill
642 Church Street 
Toronto, ON M4Y 2G3

(416) 967-0001

(No Cover)
 I love Spirits on a Wednesday night. I'll be there on August 1st, doing a set.

Wednesdays have been the night for comedy on Church Street since 1994 and Jo-Anna Downey has been the “Mama” since 1996, making Spirits Open Mic Night an institution (in a good way). Countless comics have felt right at home at Spirits and will occasionally drop by, like that time Robin Williams crashed Jo-Anna's 40th birthday. Other stars of Open-Mic night have included the "King of Queen's" Patten Oswald, Sean Cullen, Mitch Hedberg and Kevin Hearn of the Barenaked Ladies.

Suddenly Mommy at Rose Studio Theatre: November 15-16 at 8:00 pm

Every woman who’s had a baby recognizes the moment when your name changes from "Hey, Sexy" to suddenly "Mommy"! Anne Marie Scheffler, the star of Second City and her own special on The Comedy Network, presents this hilarious and relatable one-woman show fresh from Second City Hollywood and Theatre Row in New York City.

"Anne-Marie Scheffler didn't think motherhood would be this hard... her jarring realization otherwise makes for a humorous and entertaining show." - CBC

Click here for more info and tickets