Friday, April 19, 2013

I Made a Mistake When I Got Married

About my name. I made a mistake. I half took my husband's last name. I waffled after we were married about changing Anne Marie Scheffler to Anne Marie Libbey so now the phone bill is in Anne Marie Libbey and people who wanted to hire me for jobs couldn't find me in the phone directory. Well, older people. It's a different search engine world now.
But really, I screwed up about half-taking my husband's last name. You really shoot yourself in the foot when you half do anything. I love and don't love my last name Scheffler. I love it because it is my Dad's name, my family name, a strong name. I don't love it because it is hard to spell, and not as common or superstar like as say "Hudson". And mostly because I don't know myself. Or spent so long finding myself outside of who I am to a man. When I finally snagged a husband, I thought "there Dad, I am not going to do what you tell me to do anymore! I'm dropping your name! I'm taking his!" And then we walked into the reception hall, the NHL theme playing, as "Dave and Anne Marie Libbey". Also, I am a second wife, and Dave's first wife did not take his last name, so I wanted to be the "first Mrs. Dave Libbey."
But then I half took it. I forgot that I had actually made something of myself as Anne Marie Scheffler, and as hard to spell as it is, I was over a decade into an entertainment career and my name held value. And then when I was around my hubby and babies, I felt ashamed that I was promoting the Anne Marie Scheffler brand because it seemed to be contrary to wanting to be Mrs. Libbey. And then I became divided. Only being Anne Marie Scheffler out in the entertainment world. And playing Anne Marie Libbey at home and in the neighbourhood.
But now I see it's a mistake. Because I have to be me at home too. That Anne Marie Scheffler was the woman Dave married. The one at home hiding her career plans, goals and- the big one- finances- is a half person. Who seems duplicitous. And half-sure. And brings about half-success.
So the big conclusion today is I am me. Anne Marie Scheffler. I will be my authentic self at home and at work. And see how that goes.

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