Wednesday, March 15, 2017

How To Get Men To Come After You

When your marriage ends, and you're a woman in your forties, there's a potential for desperation. I was sure I had figured out the relationship part of life: found the man I would grow old with. Done. But since that was not the storyline for me, I have to date again if I want to couple again. And I do want to fall in love again, and I know I will. I'm just going about it differently this time.

In my 20's and my 30's I was really looking for love. I joke about it in my show MILF Life Crisis: I'd go into bars with my girlfriends. Looking for someone to marry, before it's too late. Looking for someone to have kids with, before I got too old. I'd see him. Across the bar. The swarthy non-committal type. With commitment issues. My favourite.

And then in my show, I point out that it's different now. I don't have to hurry up and find someone to marry. I've been married. I don't have to hurry up and have my kids. I have my kids... But then, in the show, I fall in the age old trap of changing your life plans for a new boyfriend. But I am stopped by Kendra, one of the characters in my show (I play all the characters- and Kendra is one of everyone's favourite).

Sexy, newly divorced Kendra says: “Anne Marie! You’re doing it wrong! You're going after them! They should be coming after you! Be like the sun! Let the planets revolve around you! And by the planets- I mean the men!” 

This is truly my dating method now. I can go to an event, and in my kick ass, single mom, actress with career goals still to achieve kind of power, I am attractive. Now. But you should have seen me, the first year out of my marriage- it was not that way. I was desperate. I was scared. I was worried about my age, my looks, my kids, my money, my age. Then I wrote my show MILF Life Crisis. And in my making fun of what I always do- look for love outside of myself- I found my own wisdom. There really is a power when you get older. Why do I want to be married forever if we no longer fit? Why do I think a marriage is necessary? Why should a man define me? If you think my comedy shows are my own therapy, you'd be right.

And my kooky character Kendra has a good point. How to get men- or anything- to come after you is by being your own sun. That’s kinda how I got my comedy special. I was polishing a show for when I moved to LA. It was sparkling! It was awesome! I worked hard on the script. I loved the story I was telling. I self-produced the show at The Tim Sims Playhouse at Second City and then The Comedy Network saw the tape and they came after me. Know that you are rock solid. Then watch them come to you.  XOXO AMS

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